As a little girl I remember nights when I could not sleep because I was so fearful that something was under my bed just waiting to get me.  I still remember the heavy feeling in my chest.  I would cover up as much covers on top of me as I could so to feel safe.  Some nights I would fall asleep and wake up numerous times until I would just be so exhausted I could not stay awake any longer.  I suppose it all started when my mom married my step dad.  Prior to that I slept with my mother in her bed.  

My step dad just could not understand why someone would want to sleep with their light on and began to help me understand that if I left the light on that people from the outside could see into my room and I could not see them on the outside.  Well that did it, I finally agreed to turn out the lights and then began the journey of fear.  Although my fear probably did not begin there, it was manifested more greatly then because I was alone, in my room, in the dark.  

I gave all that background to say that I remember as a little girl praying this simple prayer “Now I lay me down to sleep; I pray the Lord my soul to keep, If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take”.  Sound kinda fatalistic, huh!  To die in my sleep before I wake.  I am sure my mother or my grandmother taught me this pray, I don’t remember who but that is beside the point.  

I am here to tell you this one thing, God loves children.  He does not wish that any should perish but that all may come to a saving knowledge of Him.  I did not really understand in my childhood what God was like or that He loved me, but I knew that if I prayed that prayer somehow I would eventually fall asleep.  Some nights I prayed it over and over again until I would calm down. Something so simplistic as this little prayer began my journey to know the loving God that would today be my strength.  He was pursuing me then and continues to love me now.  I know that God had a purpose for me even as a child.  He began to draw me to Himself and woo me into a love relationship with Him.  And today I must say Thank You to my Father in Heaven, who loves me and keeps me safe. 

 I love the verses in Proverbs 18:10 “The Name of the Lord is a strong tower, The righteous runs into it and is safe”. and  2 Timothy 1:7 “For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline”. These are just some of the ways the enemy can be defeated in our fear.  The scripture is powerful to breakdown barriers of fear and strongholds in our lives.  So even as a child, God is busy drawing us who belong to Him, who choose life and love.  Thank you Lord for loving me and drawing me from my childhood and meeting me in my times of greatest fear.

written 5/10/2012